A drama about real events
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ACT 1 / SCENE 1
A VERY NORMAL DAY
[ACTION!]
Mark is at Mother’s house. It’s mid afternoon.
Mark and Mother are casually talking in the living room. Mother is in her recliner, Mark is chilling.
“I’m wiped,” Mark yawns, “been up since 5 o’clock this morning.”
Mother: “Why don’t you go home and take a nap?”
Mark: “That’s a great idea, Mother. That’s exactly what i’ll do. You’re the best.”
Mother: “That’s what mothers are for. We love our children.”
*
The doorbell rings, the screen door opens, brother Alfredo enters the house. A surprise visit!
Mother and Mark smile with surprise and welcome Alfredo, “Hey, hey, hey! Look what we got here! We got us some Alfredo sauce!”
Alfredo is smiling, thinking, “What a nice welcome.”
“What are you guys doing?”, Alfredo asks as he steps out of his shoes, “Just hanging out?”
Mark is slowly standing, “I’m exhausted, Alfredo, I was just going home to take a nap.”
Alfredo: “Go get some sleep, old man. You look like you need it.”
Both share a laugh as Alfredo plops onto the couch where Mark was just sitting.
Mark leaves, the screen door closes behind him.
[CUT!]
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ACT 1 / SCENE 2
THE FLIP
[ACTION!]
Mother locks the screen door, pauses … turns to look at Alfredo … her brows furrowed, “What was THAT all about?”, she says, suddenly sounding concerned.
Alfredo: “What was WHAT all about?”
Mother: “You and your brother. As soon as you got here he gets up and walks out?”
Alfredo:”What the hell are you talking about?”
Mother: “It was like he couldn’t get out fast enough. What’s going on between you two?”
Alfredo: “What did I just miss?”
Mother: “I’ve seen him do that a lot! He does it all the time. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed.”
[CUT!]
This is how narcissists use gaslighting to instantly create confusion and conflict. They flip your perceptions of reality.
It’s a tactic they use to divide.
Alfredo is thoroughly confused. He’ll be wondering about this in his sleep.
Continuing our drama …
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ACT 1 / SCENE 3
THE GAS IS LIT
[ACTION!]
Alfredo: “Why would Mark do that, mother?”
Mother: “I think Mark has always been jealous of you, Alfredo. Especially with how good looking you are. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it, I’ll confront him tomorrow. This needs to stop! He needs to grow up! You can’t help how you look!”
Alfredo: “Thank you, Mother, you’re the best.”
Mother: “That’s what mothers are for. We love our children.”
[CUT!]
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ACT 2 /SCENE 1
FINISH THE DIVIDE
[ACTION!]
The next day …
Mother calls Mark.
Mother, sounding a little sad, “Hi Mark, it’s your mother!”
Mark: “Hi mother. What’s going on?”
Mother: “I’m calling because yesterday …”, Mother sounds hesitant, “after you left? …”, like she’s treading lightly with her words.
Mark: “Yeah? …”
Mother: “Well … Alfredo thinks you’re mad at him about something. He said something about the way you left.”
Mark: “What the hell are you talking about?”
Mother: “He thought you left because of him. I don’t know. He’s so paranoid. How did he get this way?”
Mark: “I left because I was tired.”
Mother: “I know. That’s what I told him. He thinks you’re jealous of him … or something.”
Mark: “That’s ridiculous.”
Mother: “I know, but he thinks you have a problem with him … or something … I don’t know why … but don’t worry, I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I’ll put a stop to this!”
Alfredo: “Thanks, Mother, you’re the best.”
Mother: “That’s what mothers are for. We love our children.”
[CUT!]
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ACT 3 / SCENE 1
SPREADING THE DRAMA
[ACTION!]
The next, next day …
Mother calls her daughter, Danielle.
Mother: “Danielle? It’s your mother.”
Danielle: “Hello mother. Good to hear from you. How are you?”
Mother: “I’M good, but your brothers … I don’t know … they’re fighting again and now they’re not talking to each other. It’s a mess.”
Danielle: “What the hell are you talking about?”
Mother: “Mark was at my house, he seemed fine. Alfredo stopped by and suddenly Mark just got up and stormed out. It was terrible. I couldn’t believe it.”
Danielle: “Whoa.”
Mother: “Right? Apparently this has been going on for a while. When ever Alfredo shows up, Mark walks right out of the room. Believe this? Alfredo thinks Mark is jealous of his looks, so Mark calls Alfredo ridiculous and paranoid … I don’t know, I don’t know what’s going. I’m so confused. All I know is, now they’re not talking to each other again and they have me stuck in the middle of their mess. They’re both so goddamn petty. I can’t take it.”
Danielle: “Aww, poor mother, I wish they would stop putting you in the middle of their drama.”
Mother: (Starts weeping) “I’m so tired of this family not getting along. I didn’t raise my children this way. Why can’t my children just get along?”
Danielle: “Do you want me to call them? They need to stop involving you in their crap.”
Mother: “No, no, don’t worry about it, I’m strong, I’ll be fine. I just needed to vent. I need a tissue. You really helped me. Thank you.”
Danielle: “That’s what daughters are for. We love our mother.”
[CUT!]
[THAT’S A WRAP]
[RANDOM THOUGHTS & REFLECTIONS]
This is textbook narcissistic gaslighting.
Narcissists present as sympathetic and helpful as they lie to gaslight you. They do this while not registering any inner conflict. Narcissists don’t register inner conflict. What they do is not about you.
This is not to say narcissists don’t know what inner conflict is, they know better than anybody, that’s why they know how to create it in others. They know the damage it does to people unlike themselves.
*
In the gaslighting example above, the only person who knows exactly what is going on – the base reality – is the narcissistic mother. Everybody else is being gaslit with lies. If you’re one of the victims in this scenario, you can never solve this puzzle, because only the narcissist knows the lies they are creating and which ones are in play. You can’t keep up. If you come even remotely close to solving their puzzle they will deny-and-lie again. It’s an endless cycle. You’re chasing their tail.
*
Narcissists are most destructive where love and trust exists and truth is expected. Love and trust are easily fooled.
To a narcissist, love and trust are mere pawns to be played.
“Narcissists count on the powers of denial to be the most predictable of human behaviors.”
*
The more you seek solace in a narcissist, the deeper the rabbit hole becomes. It’s a dance with the devil.
*
Once a narcissist has driven a wedge between family members, the narcissist must protect their lies by doing everything within their power to keep the family members separated – keep them from speaking directly with each other – as this could lead to discovering the lies and blowing the narcissist’s cover.
The narcissist prevents this crosstalk by creating a divide, then positioning themselves as the middleman – the problem solver – the mediator – “I’m just trying to help”. They make themselves the hub of the family business so everybody communicates through them.
Being the communications hub of everybody else’s business is the perfect command post to puppeteer everybody within their dirty web.
*
If family members do communicate directly with each other and discover the narcissist’s lies, the narcissist has a backup plan at the ready: Breathe in … engage lie-and-deny mode … exhale. It’s that easy. Works every time.
Toxic Amnesia and Gaslighting
Toxic amnesia is a tactic where the narcissist pretends to not remember abuse, betrayals, lies, and other hurtful and dysfunctional behaviors they’ve engaged in. Its a form of gaslighting. Its purpose is to make you doubt your perceptions and memories.
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